MEDIUM

What if Bollywood was a Programming Industry?

Silly as it may sound, but I couldn't resist penning down humor on Bollywood.

I understand Medium is not the right place for things like this but I’m too lazy to use blogger or something else. So, accept my sincere apologies.

So Babumoshai, enjoy!
100% Original Humor.
©Priyansh Khodiyar.

Want a Hollywood Version?

“Main Apni Favourite Hoon” (I am Head Over Heels in Self-Love)

“Main Apni Favourite Hoon” — Recursion

“Ab Tera Kya Hoga, Kaliya?”

“Ab Tera Kya Hoga, Java? (after log4j vulnerability)”

“Tussi Ja Rahe Ho? Tussi Na Jao!” — Java Community to its Developers.

“Aaj Mere Paas Bangla Hai, Gadi Hai, Bank-Balance Hai — Tumhare Paas Kya Hai?”
“Mere Paas Maa Hai.”

“Aaj Mere Pass React Hai, MongoDB Hai, NodeJs Hai — Tumhare Pass Kya Hai?”[Asks a MERN Dev]

“Mere Paas HTML hai”

“Mere Baarein Mein Itna Mat Sochna. Dil Mein Aata Hoon, Samajh Mein Nahi” — Dynamic Programming

“Koi Dhanda Chota Nahi Hota Aur Dhande Se Bada Koi Dharm Nahi Hota”

“Koi Project Chota Nahi Hota Aur Project Se Bada Koi Resume Filler Nahi Hota”

“Human Behaviour Ke Baare Mein Uss Din Humne Kuch Jaana. Dost Fail Ho Jaaye toh Dukh Hota Hai, Lekin Dost First Aa Jaaye toh Zyaada Dukh Hota Hai.”

“Compiler Behaviour Ke Baare Mein Uss Din Humne Kuch Jaana. Execution Fail Ho Jaaye toh Dukh Hota Hai, Lekin Successful Compile Hokar Wrong Output Aa Jaaye toh Zyaada Dukh Hota Hai.”

“Insaan Naam Mein Mazhab Dhoond Leta Hai”

“Insaan Code Mein Language Dhoond Leta Hai”

“All Izz Well” (This too Shall Pass)

“All lzz hell” — NodeJs Dev to node_modules.

“Aanewala Pal, Janewala Hai” — Golang to Java Over Primary Backend Language Position.

“Tension Lene Ka Nahi, Sirf Dene Ka”

“Dependencies Lene Ka Nahi, Sirf Dene Ka” — NodeJs smiling in the corner. Silently.

“Dosti Aur Ladki Mein Hamesha Ladki Jeetti Hai”

“Dev Aur DSA Mein Hamesha DSA Jeetta Hai”

“Ek Chutki Sindoor Ki Keemat Tum Kya Jaano Ramesh Babu”

“Ek Mb File Size Ki Keemat Tum Kya Jaano Python Babu”

“Picture Abhi Baaki Hai Mere Dost”

“Concurrency Abhi Baaki Hai Mere Dost” — Other Languages to Go

“My Name Is Khan And I Am Not A Terrorist”

“My Name Is Python And I Don’t Byte”

“Kitne Aadmi The” (Spill The Tea, Sis)

“Kitne Dependencies The!”

“Utha Le Re Baba” — User’s Personal Data to Google’s Cloud Servers.

“Joh Main Bolta Hoon Woh Main Karta Hoon … Joh Main Nahi Bolta Woh Main Definitely Karta Hoon” — Microsoft, Surprising Everyone With Windows 11.

“Darte toh Hum Kisi Ke Baap Se Bhi Nahin Hai”

“Output toh Hum Kisi Ke Baap Ko Bhi Nahin Dete Hai” — Compiler to me during Lab Exams.

“Parampara. Pratishtha. Anushasan. Yeh Is Gurukul Ke Teen Stambh Hai.”

“Github. Stackoverflow. VSCode. Yeh Is Gurukul Ke Teen Stambh Hai.”

“Mere Hisaab Se to Dharm Ek Hi Kaam Karta Hai, Ya toh Woh Insaan Ko Bebas Banata Hai, Ya Aatankwaadi”

“Mere Hisaab Se to Github Ek Hi Kaam Karta Hai, Ya toh Woh Insaan Se Fork Karwata Hai, Ya Clone”

“Mhari Choriya Chhoro Se Kam Hai Kay”

“Mhari Languages Thaari Languages Se Kam Hai Kay” — Google to Other Tech Giants after Developing 3 Languages Successfully. Go, Kotlin, Dart.

“Tumse Naa Ho Payega” — C++ And Java to Python in Competitive Programming.

“Mere Karan Arjun Aayenge… Zameen Ki Chaati Phad Ke Aayenge, Aasman Ka Seena Cheer Ke Aayenge”

“Mere Error Bugs Aayenge… Terminal Ki Chaati Phad Ke Aayenge, VSCode Ka Seena Cheer Ke Aayenge”

“Pushpa, I Hate Tears…Inhe Ponch Dalo”

“NodeJs, I Hate node_modules…Inhe hata Dalo”

“Rishtey Mein toh Hum Tumhare Baap Lagte Hai, Naam Hai Shahenshaah”

“Rishtey Mein toh Hum Tumhare Baap Lagte Hai, Naam Hai Typescript” — Ts to Js.

“Meri Shaktiyon Ka Galat Istemaal Kiya Gaya, Maa” — C++ STL During CP.

“Rahul, Naam toh Suna Hi Hoga”

“Python, Naam toh Suna Hi Hoga”

Ek Baar Jo Maine Commitment Kar Di, Fir Main Apne Aap Ki Bhi Nahi Sunta”

Ek Baar Jo Maine Commit Kar Di, Fir Main Apne Aap Ki Bhi Nahi Sunta” — Devs to Git

“Aap Humse Humari Zindagi Maang Lete Hum Aap Ko Khushi Khushi De Dete, Par Aapne toh Humse Humara Guroor Cheen Liya”. — Java, after being dethroned by Python on Popularity Chart.

“Abhi Koi Aur Batayega Main Koun Hai?” — Dart to Native App Developers

“Goli Nahin Marenge, Keh Ke Lenge Uski” — Google suing Java Foundation, After Introducing Kotlin That Runs On JVM Itself, Ditching Java For Android.

“Ek hi toh Jaan Hai. Ya toh Allah Lega Ya Mauhalla”

“Ek hi toh Resume Hai. Ya toh Google Lega Ya Infosys”

“Saala Ye Dukh Kaahe Khatam Nahi Hota Hai Be.”

“Saala Ye Code Kaahe Khatam Nahi Hota Hai Be.” — Newbie Coding In Java After Using Python

“Kabhi Kabhi Lagta Hain Ki Apun Hi Bhagwaan Hain” — Github, After Hosting Almost Entire Open Source Code, But Itself is Not Open Source.

“Zindagi Mein Bhi End Mein Sab Theek Ho Jaata Hai. Happy Endings. Aur Agar…, Aur Agar Theek Na Ho to Woh The End Nahin Hai Dosto, Picture Abhi Baaki Hai.”

“Programming Mein Bhi End Mein Sab Theek Ho Jaata Hai. Happy Endings. Aur Agar…, Aur Agar Theek Na Ho to Woh The End Nahin Hai Dosto, Coding Abhi Baaki Hai.” — Constant Bug Fixes And Code Updates.

“I Am Just A Stupid Common Man Waiting to Clean His House”

“I Am Just A Stupid Common Dev Waiting to Clean His Code” — Literally Everyone.

“Ek Machhar Sala Aadmi Ko Hijda Bana Deta Hai!”

“Ek ; Sala Aadmi Ko Pagal Bana Deta Hai!”

“Prem Naam Hain Mera, Prem Chopra”

“Java Naam Hain Mera, JavaScript”

“Aap Convince Hogaye Ya Main Aur Bolun”— Interviewer asks ‘Tell me about yourself!’

Palat….Palat….Palat

Compiling…..Compiling…..Compilation Failed!

“Itna Sannata Kyu Hai Bhai?”

“Itna Errors Kyu Hai Bhai?”

“Jali Ko Aag Kehte Hain, Bhuji Ko Raakh Kehte Hain … Jis Raakh Se Barood Bane, Usse Vishwanath Kehte Hain”

“Jali Ko Javascript🔥 Kehte Hain, Bhuji Ko Coffeescript☕️ Kehte Hain … Jis Raakh Se Barood Bane, Usse Typescript💣 Hain”

“How’s The Josh?” High Sir!

“How’s The Code?” Copied Sir!

“Namaaz Me Woh Thi, Par Aisa Laga Ki Dua Hamari Qubool Ho Gayi.”

“Ranking Me Aage Woh Tha, Par Aisa Laga Ki Selection Hamara Qubool Ho Gaya.” — Diversity Hiring

“Jab Tak Baithne Ko Na Kaha Jaye Sharafat Se Khade Raho. Yeh Police Station Hain Tumhare Baap Ka Ghar Nahi.”

“Jab Tak Code Karne Ko Na Kaha Jaye Sharafat Se Khade Raho. Yeh ICPC Hain Tumhare College Ka Lab Nahi.”

“Main Tumhe Bhool Jaaon Yeh Ho Nahin Sakta, Aur Tum Mujhe Bhool Jao Ye Main Hone Nahi Doonga.” — Crypto Code Ledger

“Waqt Rukta Nahi, Beet Jata Hai Aur Hum Kharch Ho Jaate Hain….Isse Pehle Ki Main Kharch Ho Jaun, Mai Apna Waqt Tere Sath Bitana Chahta Hoon…”

“Loop Rukta Nahi, Execute Ho Jata Hai Aur Hum Terminate Ho Jaate Hain….Isse Pehle Ki Main Terminate Ho Jaun, Mai Apna Stack Tere Sath Share Krna Chahta Hoon…” — A Short Love Story of 2 Variables Inside a For Loop.

“Kabhi Kisiko Itna Bhi Mat Darao Ki Darr Hi Khatam Hojaye”

“Kabhi Kisiko Itna Bhi Mat Debug karo Ki Error Hi Khatam Hojaye”

“Hum Ek Baar Jeete Hai, Ek Baar Marte Hai, Shaadi Bhi Ek Baar Hoti Hai … Aur Pyar Ek Baar Hi Hota Hai.”

“Hum Ek Baar Define Hote Hai, Ek Baar Terminate Hote Hai, Call Bhi Ek Baar Hote Hai … Aur Execute Bhi Ek Baar Hi Hote Hai.” — Life of a Member Function.

.

“Cheete Ki Chaal, Baaz Ki Nazar Aur Bajirao Ki Talvaar Par Sandeh Nahi Karte. Kabhi Bhi Maat De Sakti Hain.”

“C++ Ki Speed, Javascript Ki Compatibility Aur Python Ke Use Cases Par Sandeh Nahi Karte. Kabhi Bhi Maat De Sakti Hain.”

“Kismat Badi Kutti Cheez Hai, Saali Kabhi Bhi Palat Jaati Hai”

“Palindrome Badi Kutti Cheez Hai, Saali Kabhi Bhi Palat Jaati Hai”

“Main Udna Chahta Hoon, Daudna Chahta Hoon, Girna Bhi Chahta Hoon. Bas, Rukna Nahi Chahta.”

“Main Coding Karna Chahta Hoon, Run Karna Chahta Hoon, Error Bhi Chahta Hoon. Bas, TLE Nahi Chahta.”

”Ab Pyaar Na Hua Tumhara.. Upsc Ka Exam Ho Gaya. 10 Saal Se Pass Hi Nahi Ho Raha Hai”

”Ab Windows Na Hua Tumhara.. Patience Ka Exam Ho Gaya. 10 Saal Se Pura Update Hi Nahi Ho Raha Hai”

“Bhagwan Ke Bharose Na Baithiye, Kya Pata Bhagwan Hamare Bharose Baitha Ho.”

“College Ke Bharose Na Baithiye, Kya Pata College Hamare Bharose Baitha Ho.” — Placement Season.

“Kanoon Andha Hota Hai, Judge Nahi.”

“Compiler Andha Hota Hai, Plagiarism Checkers Nahi.”

“Bhabhi Hogi Teri Aur Shaadi Hogi Meri.”

“Coding Test Hoga Tera Aur Selection Hoga Mera.”

“Kaun Kehta Hai Aasmaan Mein Suraakh Nahin Ho Sakta. Ek Patthar toh Uchhaal Ke Dekho Yaaron”

“Kaun Kehta Hai Code Compile Nahin Ho Sakta. Ek Baar Stackoverflow toh Khol Ke Dekho Yaaron”

“Religion Wala Column Jo Hota Hai, Usmein Hum Capital Mein Indian Likhte Hain”

“Skills Wala Column Jo Hota Hai, Usmein Hum Capital Mein C++ Likhte Hain”

“Thappad Se Darr Nahin Lagta Sahab, Pyaar Se Lagta Hai”

“Language Se Darr Nahin Lagta Sahab, Syntax Se Lagta Hai”

“Arey, Kehna Kya Chahte Ho?” — Python to Java

That’s all from my side!

I’d love to hear your thoughts about this, so feel free to reach out to me on LinkedIn or respond in the comments below!

— If you liked this article, consider sharing it with 2 friends you care about.

Till then stay alive.

More (serious content) from Priyansh Khodiyar.

--

--

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store
Priyansh Khodiyar

Priyansh Khodiyar

I write highly researched technical articles on things I daily learn, sometimes code, and interview people. khodiyarPriyansh@gmail.com. Check my About section.