Programming Humour

time for some Programming JOKES

Photo by Marija Zaric on Unsplash

I compiled this list of jokes just for entertainment purpose only!
I know it’s hard, attending useless meetings and standups.
hence the jokes,

Some of these jokes are my original, not all.
Sit back and laugh tight and de-stress yourself.
P.S — There are 3 adult jokes at end, feel free to skip it.

Here you go…

Three SQL Database Admins walked into a NoSQL bar. A little while later they walked out because they couldn’t find a table.

A semaphore and mutex walk in the bar, only one got through the door.

C and C++ went to a five star bar, C was stopped by the gate guards because C got no class.

I was about to crack a joke on Ubuntu’s text editor, but you might not gedit.

I’d tell them a UDP joke but there’s no guarantee that they would get it.

Two bytes meet. The first byte asks, “Are you ill?”
The second byte replies, “No, just feeling a bit off.”

Man to a Software Engineer : “When do you think it’s love?”
Reply : “It’s love when you memorise her IP address to skip the DNS overhead.”

The XML processor was having a rough day. His friend came by and gave him some words of encouragement — “This too shall parse”.

“Knock, knock.”
“Who’s there?”
very long pause….
“Java.”

“Knock knock!”
“Who is there?”
“Yah!”
“Yah, who?”
“No not Yahoo, Google.”

All programmers are playwrights, and all computers are lousy actors.

Q. How do robots eat pizza?
A. One byte at a time.

Q. What does the R in Recursion stand for?
A. Recursion.

Q. How did the first program die?
A. It was executed.

Q. How do you explain the Inception movie to a programmer?
A. Basically, when you run a VM inside another VM, inside another VM, inside another VM…, everything runs real slow! :P

Q. Why did the monkey fall from the tree?
A. It’s node got deleted.

Q. Why do Java programmers wear glasses?
A.They can’t C#.

Q. What is the difference between C++ and C?
A. Just 1.

Q. Whats the object-oriented way to become wealthy?
A. Inheritance

Q. What line of code describes you?
A. catch(err) { window.open(‘//stackoverflow.com/search?q=’+err.message); }

Q. What do computers and air conditioners have in common?
A. They both become useless when you open windows.

Q. Why was the statement scared while the comment was not?
A. Statements are executed.

Q. What do you call 8 hobbits?
A. A hobbyte

Q. What do you call when 8 mosquitos bit you?
A. A mosquito byte.

Q. Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?
A. Because Oct 31 equals Dec 25.

Boss. What is this [“hip”, ”hip”]?
Dev. hip hip array!

She: What can you do for me?
He: Umm.. I can say I love you in 20 languages! (Programming languages)

There are only 10 kinds of people in this world: those who know binary and those who don’t.

WINDOWS: Will Install Needless Data On Whole System.
IBM: I Blame Microsoft.
MICROSOFT: Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers.

“To loop is human. To recurse divine” and
“To code is human. To debug divine”

Javascript : Java :: carpet : car.

RESUME Jokes

Interviewer: Your resume says you take things too literally.
Me: “When the hell did my resume learn to talk?”

Why don’t A.I. engineers need a resume?
They just let their projects speak for themselves.

Me: Hey, I would like to work at EA Games.
EA: Okay, let me see your resume.
My Resume: Pay $9.99 to unlock this resume.
EA: Welcome to the team!

I’ve been posting my resume online while I was asleep, hoping to get my dream job.

Adult Jokes:

C++ got it right!
Your parents can’t touch your privates.. But your friends can ;)

Programming is like sex, One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

Q. What’s the difference between a computer science student and a brick?
A. The brick gets laid.

Indian Jokes

Q. What would BITS Pilani become after it has opened up 8 campuses ?
A. BYTES Pilani :-P

Normal People: log kya kahenge
Developers: console.log kya kahenge

Q.What is the Bollywood equivalent of Recursion?
A. Karthik calling Karthik

Feel free to reach out to me on LinkedIn or Twitter or respond in the comments below.

I would love to talk to you.

— If this article made you laugh in any way, consider sharing it with 2 friends you care about.

Till then stay alive.

Thanks to:-
1. My mind, for thinking these things.
2. Medium, for the platform.
3. Quora, for some of these jokes.
4. God, for I am healthy and fit.

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Priyansh Khodiyar

Priyansh Khodiyar

1.6K Followers

I write highly researched technical articles on things I daily learn, sometimes code, and interview people. khodiyarPriyansh@gmail.com. Check my About section.